Another Rude Awakening at Ten O'clock in the Morning
by Vernal Fire
Summary: In a peaceful AU of Akame ga Kill, the empire is ruled by prime minister Honest, who is a wise and clever advisor to the child emperor. However, when a country boy called Cyan arrives in the capital for an education, he is in for a hectic ride amongst the lives of eccentric inhabitants of a cramped apartment and the streets and slums of the capitol he hadn't bargained for.
1. A Firework-Assisted Escape

**Chapter One: A Firework-Assisted Escape From the Town He Had Loved.**

 _A/N This is set in a alternate universe, one in which the capitol is actually nice place to live, Honest isn't evil and is actually doing good, helping the emperor run the empire wisely. I prefer writing more peaceful stories, you see._

 _So, for this book, if you could call it that (I wouldn't), I would be using my own OC, who is a boy with a similar background to Tatsumi, but with a quick and sharp tongue and is incredibly street-smart, is fast, but not a trained fighter (though he can fight quite well), and looking for work in the capitol after being kicked out of his village. His name is Koko. Well, Cyan (yes, I know it is a girl's name), but everyone calls him Koko, or occasionally "earphones", which is rarer. As for his appearance, imagine Lubbock with orange hair, glasses, cyan eyes, then mess up the hair a bit and have it sticking out at odd angles. He wears an orange hoodie with black designs on it (imagine some sort of fire tattoo), and a tracksuit. He also has earphones that are perpetually in his ears, though often without music playing._

 _That should be all you need to know - everything else should be explained._

"This has been the weirdest day." Cyan murmured.

He had arrived at the capital a few hours ago, and had immediately gotten lost. The labyrinth of streets, alleyways, and underground tunnels and bridges had been historically notorious for making new arrivals from the countryside befuddled and bemused, and, more often than not, completely and hopelessly lost.

Cyan sighed. It had been a draining day ever since he met _her._ That blond person with cunning eyes and an outfit that showed parts that most would rather keep hidden.

 _He had run into her in an abandoned alleyway after fifteen minutes of fruitless searching for a map or signs of some sort. There was something suspicious about her, but he was desperate, and there was nobody in sight. She seemed to know the way around. Sighing, he walked forward._

 _"Um, miss, do you happen to know the way to the Crossroads inn?" he said, immediately putting on his polite tone, which he used to hide his frustration._

 _She didn't respond. As he neared, it became apparent she was hopelessly drunk, and was still clutching a mug of some sort of drink. Suddenly, she lunged forward and tackled him._

 _"What-"_

 _She grabbed him by his neck, dangling him above the ground, forcing a small, gurgling sound from his throat. She suddenly seemed a lot less drunk and her eyes focused, giving him an uncanny feeling of being scrutinised by a hungry lion._

 _"Urk-"_

 _"What's you're name?"_

 _Cyan choked, and sputtered something that sounded a mix between a cough, a gasp, and a gurgle._

 _"Oh, I was holding him too tight again." she murmured, as if it was perfectly normal to go around grabbing people by their necks and dangling them in the air. But she let him drop, and he was grateful for it as he refilled his lungs with air._

 _"So, what's your name?" she asked again._

 _"Why should I tell you that? You just tried to strangle me." Cyan replied, a little annoyed._

 _"Otherwise, I'll actually choke you to death this time." she said, and something in her eyes made him think she wouldn't hesitate to do so._

 _"Woah, let's not get to hasty here..." he said, quickly backing away. "Name's Cyan, by the way."_

 _"Cyan?" said the woman, then looked at him closely, with a sort of curious look in her eyes. "You look like a guy to me."_

 _Cyan sighed. This wasn't the first time people had bothered him about his name. Sometimes, he wished his parent had thought about the fact that he was a baby boy before giving him a girl's name._

 _"Long story." he said. "Don't want to talk about that. But you can rest assured I'm a guy."_

 _She suddenly seemed to brighten up, as if finding something about this conversation very amusing. "So, you were lost?" she inquired, all hostility gone._

 _"Um... yeah. I was hoping you could lead me to Crossroads Inn?" said Cyan, too relieved to think about her sudden change in attitude._

 _"Okay... I can take you there." she said, twitching her ears. "Just follow me!"_

 _She lead him through winding roads and dark alleys, until he was so confused he didn't know where he was anymore. The capitol really is a big place. Thank god he had someone to guide him... wait, why is she leading him into a dark abandoned alleyway?_

 _"Wait, wait, are you sure about this? It looks like a dead end, and-"_

 _... and that was how he lost all his money._

"I'm such a god-damn _idiot._ " he muttered to himself. "Should have known better."

Long story short, that lion woman had knocked him out cold with her jug of something, took almost all his money, and left him there. He had woken up an hour later, alone, lost, basically broke, and thoroughly annoyed.

"God-dammit!" he said again, groaning as he slammed his fist on the table. "God-friggin-dammit!"

He was sitting at a cafe now, drinking herbal tea, which had been a staple of his diet for years. He still had enough money left over for a day, then he would be broke. He planned on spending the day looking for a cheaper place to stay (which would be hard), learning his way around the city (which would be harder), looking for a job he might actually be able to keep (him? keep a job? ridiculously hard.), and finding that blond and getting his money back (which would be impossible.).

"Um, sir?" said a waiter, who had brown hair and a pair of innocent, green eyes, and who looked like he was from the country, like him. "Please be quiet, people are staring at you, and I'm afraid it's bad for business."

Cyan ignored him, having sunk again into thoughts of vengeance and how he would survive in the capitol without money. He was brought back into reality by a hard slap across his face, which sent him toppling off the chair and onto the floor, almost turning the table over.

"That should teach him to be quiet." said a girl with black hair and a white butterfly hairpin, who was standing over him, looking annoyed. "Tatsumi, you need to be more forceful. You're too nice."

Cyan blinked.

"Sayo," groaned the boy, with a barely audible sigh. "Didn't I tell you not to cause a scene? Now you're gonna get us fired... _again_."

They seemed to be friends. Cyan blinked again, then dusted himself off, getting up and rubbing his face, where a large, red, hand mark was forming.

"My, you sure slap hard." he murmured, propping himself up using the table. "Even harder than my mother... and that's saying something."

This earned a chuckle from Tatsumi and another slap, which he barely managed to duck under. He suddenly felt at ease - this was a situation he was much more comfortable with. Alone, for all purposes (the cafe only had one other customer, who was an old woman and was very quiet), with two kids from the country, who were almost broke and probably having been fired at least twice before.

"You don't get a lot of business here, do you?" Cyan said, gesturing for them to sit down. He was bored, and needed something to take his mind off his terrible day. This would be perfect, and maybe he could make some friends while they were at it. This wasn't like him, but he was desperate.

The two people - Sayo and Tatsumi, were they? - looked at each other, and, reasoning that they had no work to do anyways, sat down. After an awkward pause in which Cyan sipped deeply from his mug, Tatsumi began the conversation.

"May I ask your name?" he asked, somewhat sheepishly.

"Cyan. Or you could call me Koko, if you want."

"Isn't that a girl's name?" asked Sayo, her curiosity piqued.

"Please don't get me started... maybe another time." he replied, trying his best not to groan.

Tatsumi whispered something to Sayo that sounded suspiciously like "Is he saying he isn't straight?"

"What brings you here to the capital?" said Sayo, ignoring Tatsumi's remark and seemingly wanting to change the subject.

"To be honest, I'm curious about that too. That fit you were having didn't look normal." said Tastumi, showing some concern.

"It's a long story." Cyan sighed, shaking his head. "But since I've got nothing better to do, I'll tell you."

 _Cyan_ _had an idea._

 _It wasn't a good idea, or a well thought out idea, or even a fully formed idea. But it was an idea, Cyan was bored, and, when you are bored, an idea is an idea._

 _His idea was: Fireworks._

 _More specifically, fireworks from his father's supply room. They never used the fireworks, and Cyan had always thought that it was quite a waste. Those were good quality fireworks._

 _Cyan decided to try and have some fun before he left for the capitol._

 _The first thing he remembered was that tomorrow was the religious festival, and that there would be so much commotion that he wouldn't be spotted if he snuck into the warehouse._

 _The second thing was that there was an underground tunnel under the warehouse, which he could use for his escape._

 _The third was that he had no idea what to do with the fireworks. But he would figure it out in time, and that was a riddle for another day. He began making preparations for his heist, and went to bed feeling a new sense of purpose._

 _A thing you should know now was that Cyan was a very talented individual. So talented, in fact, that he had received a scholarship to the imperial academy. His parents were sending him there tomorrow, after the festival ended. They had it all planned out, and even his belongings were packed and ready to go by his bedside._

 _And that was what set the table for what he was about to do._

 _This_ _idea had appeared as he was preparing for his trip to the warehouse. It popped into his head, and immediately made him go back and make arrangements. What was this amazing idea of his?  
It was simple. There was a tear-filled, sad goodbye to be made that he was dreading. He wanted a goodbye that would leave people chuckling inwardly, with a kind of "that little rascal" sting to it. Knowing that the villagers all hated to see him go, he decided on a plan to avoid that tear-filled goodbye._

 _What did he want to use the fireworks for, then?_

 _Simple. For the ceremony, a statue of the god would be put on a wooden platform on the top of an empty, old well that also linked to the underground passage from the warehouse. With enough power, the wooden platform would snap. It wasn't particularly durable, and quite thin. Thin enough to split in two if he set off one of those fireworks in just the right place..._

"And that was how I got kicked out from the village." said Cyan, finishing off his story with a long sigh, filled with nostalgia and a sort of homesickness.

There was a kind of silence. The type of silence that you get when you have just finished a long book, a type of "ah, it's over now" silence. Eventually, Tatsumi broke it.

"Don't you believe in that god? Why would you go and mess up a ceremony like that? It's holy, you really shouldn't..."

Cyan chuckled.

"Well, my village was a weird place." he said, with a sort of a pained smile. "We believed that the statue of a god would bring us luck if we kept it around. That statue wasn't large, small enough to fit in my pocket. We believed that if we made a dramatic enough show of it, we would impress the god, and he would protect the one who had impressed him as long as he had the statue of the god on his person. After I cracked the platform, I caught the statue as it fell then set off my other fireworks. It was quite a scene. I thought it would be dramatic enough to impress him."

"But wouldn't your parents have been worried? What about the friends you had back there?" asked Sayo, genuinely curious.

"Oh, they were smart people, my parents. They knew I was the only one who could get in that warehouse and knew about the firecrackers. They knew me well enough to know that I wouldn't want a tear-filled goodbye." Cyan replied, with a mischievous grin. "I left them a note, just in case."

Silence.  
Then, "Woah, that's so cool! Sayo, we should have done something like that!"

Sayo slapped Tatsumi on the face, sending him falling off the chair, though not without a chuckle at his (usual) brimming enthusiasm. Tatsumi retaliated by kicking the stool out from under her, and the two began wrestling on the floor.

"What was that for?"

"Tatsumi, you are a complete idiot."

"Hey! You're the one who blew all our money on a shopping spr-"

"Inconsequential. We survived, didn't we?"

Cyan turned away from the wrestling waiters to survey the rest of the cafe. It wasn't much, just a few tables. Then, his eyes set upon the _other_ inhabitant - no, wait, inhabitant didn't sound like the right word - of the cafe. He had barely noticed her presence till now. But... he swore he had seen an old woman there before, not this... girl, who had appeared in a puff of smoke, like a genie.

She had bright, auburn hair, with eyes that glinted a bright amber, who was sucking on a lollipop, with a large pair of headphones seemingly attached to her ears.

She winked at him and waved his wallet in the air.

 _A/N Well, that's that... I finished Akame ga Kill a week back, then got bored, then decided to write something using those characters (I loved them) in a more peaceful setting. Although the anime wasn't exactly a jewel, I didn't mind the characters, so that's what got me here._

 _Please excuse any grammar mistakes that I missed, and if you don't understand anything, please say so. I'm not a particularly skilled Fanfiction writer, having only done small projects in collaboration with my friends, so I'm always looking for advice on how to improve._


	2. A Dubious Invitation

**Chapter Two: A Dubious Invitation** **From a Shapeshifting** **Girl.**

 _A/N Well, I'm bored, so I'm back with some more stuff... yeah. Again, any advice is appreciated. Oh, I forgot to say so... unless it's for individual words and stuff like that, when I use italics it's usually a flashback. You'll have to use your judgement. In my original document, I put these weird dash things to signify it, but those don't show up somehow... I'm still learning to operate this._

Cyan blinked.

He swore that he had just saw a girl with a pair of headphones and a lollipop waving his wallet in the air, but all he could see right now was an old woman drinking her coffee.

"I could have sworn that..." he murmured, as he sat back down, missing his mark and almost ending up on the floor.

Sayo and Tatsumi had gotten back to their feet, and had seemingly resolved their prior conflict, though Tatsumi looked like he had taken quite a severe beating.

"Erm... Cyan, are you all right?" said Tatsumi, who's hair looked like it had just received an electric shock. "You look pale."

Cyan sat down, and tried his best not to glance every minute or so at the old woman drinking her coffee. "I'm fine... it's nothing." he said, taking another long, hard sip from his mug. He decided to change the subject. "So, why _are_ you working at this hell of a place? I'm fairly sure it doesn't pay well, and it's not exactly a nice environment to be in."

"Well, we have this friend." said Tatsumi, looking at Sayo. "He's a complete idiot. Us two came here on a scholarship, like you, but him... it took some time. But somehow, he made it too, after we managed to convince him to study."

"He's not exactly bright, and he's not a hard worker either." Sayo continued on from what Tatsumi had said. "We were originally planning on having him work here with us, but after being fired twice due to his lack of tact, not to mention his (absence of) skill in handling plates, we gave up on that. He did more harm than good."

"So, we're working our asses off here trying to pay for his expenses as well as our own." said Tatsumi. "And the fact that Sayo blew all our savings in a crazed shopping spree didn't help our financial situation any."

"Hey! _You_ were the one who got swindled by that lion woman, remember?" said Sayo, defensively. She raised her hand as if to slap, which shut Tatsumi up pretty fast, with a mumbled apology.

Cyan's curiosity was piqued.

"Lion woman? You wouldn't be talking about a blond with bad taste for clothing, who seems perpetually drunk, and likes to hold you up in the air like a stuffed animal, and somehow managed to knock you out using a mug and take your money?"

"Hey! How did you know that?" asked Tatsumi, taking a step back as if he was facing an evil magician. "Are you a mind reader or something?"

"No." Cyan said, somewhat dryly. "I just got robbed too, by the same person, damn her. I'm basically broke now, and looking for work."

There was another silence as all three (well, two) tried to think of something to say. Something was in the air that made them think that the conversation was over, though they didn't want it to be. Anything was better than standing by the door bowing to anyone who passed and asking if they wanted coffee.

While the two waiters exchanged furtive glances, Cyan was studying the other customer again. Now, she was a woman dressed as a waiter, with a sort of blue-ish hair and eyes that looked dead. Giving a shudder, Cyan looked away. He could have sworn he had seen three different people sitting in the same chair, one of which was waving his wallet in the air.

"Hey, Tatsumi." said Cyan, trying to sound casual. "Keep an eye on the person behind me, okay?"

"Why? She isn't particularly interesting."

"Shh! Not so loud!" he hissed under his breath. "She'll get suspicious!"

"Woah, woah, calm down. I'll keep an eye on her."

Cyan, pacified, sat down and began rummaging through his pockets for his wallet. It wasn't there - all that _was_ there was a crumpled piece of paper. He fished it out, and began trying to make the ball look like a piece of paper again. It wasn't easy, but he managed it eventually. On it, in untidy lettering, read: " _Are you looking for a place to stay?_ "

He looked back at the other person in the cafe. She was that girl again, the one with a headset and a lollipop. She waved at him, and motioned for him to come over. Tatsumi had already been distracted by a fly buzzing around his ears. Intrigued, Cyan got up, and walked over, leaving Tatsumi trying to swat a fly and Sayo picking out dust from her hair.

He sat down next to the girl, who had turned into an old woman with a puff of smoke, then back again, as if to show off.

"What's with the note?" he said, sliding the crumpled piece of paper along the table. "And can I have my wallet back?"

"You're broke, aren't you? Looking for housing? Here on a scholarship? From the country?" she asked in rapid succession, not even looking at him, and completely disregarding his question.

"Um... you could say so, but how would you know that?" said Cyan, trying his best to seem composed and not utterly desperate for money and a place to stay. It wasn't a very good position to bargain from, and very embarrassing to admit.

"I have my ways." she murmured, with a sort of sly smile that made Cyan instinctively untrusting of her. "Who are those two?"

Something about her made Cyan wary of revealing anything about his newly-made kind-of-friends' true stories to her, but to be honest, he didn't know much about them anyway.

"Er... waiters." said Cyan, quickly. "They work here."

"I know _that_ ," she said, annoyed. "You seem to know them."

"I'd prefer to call them acquaintances."

"You wanted to know the way to crossroads inn?" she said, still not having even glanced at him.

"What-"

"I can show you the way." she said.

Cyan was now already very suspicious of anyone who had offered to show him the way to his inn. If you had been tricked and lead into some dark alley, knocked out, and then robbed by someone who had offered to give you directions, chances are you're gonna be very cautious the next time someone offers to show you the way, not to mention to the very same place.

"Prove you aren't trying to rob me. You know too much about me, you seem to be able to change your appearance at will - how in heaven's name do you _do_ that? - I don't even know I'm talking to you, or a disguise, you could very possibly have been that woman who robbed me earlier, and you have already taken my wallet." said Cyan, moving slightly away from her. "And, perhaps, you could introduce yourself. I assume you already know my name."

She didn't respond, and instead threw a lollipop stick into a dustbin at least five meters away, and took another one from her pocket, unwrapping it and stuffing it into her mouth. Then, without speaking, she got up and began to walk away, without looking back.

"Okay! Okay! You win!" Cyan called after her, rushing outside, grabbing his backpack as he did so. "Don't just walk off with whatever money I've got left!" He turned around, and hurriedly excused himself, making Tatsumi look at him like he was crazy, then rushed off into the streets to catch up with the girl who had just stolen his wallet, which contained the rest of his money. Not that there was a lot in there.

When he had fallen into pace behind her, the girl suddenly turned and tossed him his wallet, which he caught, barely, after a personal game of hot potato that took about half a minute.

"You shouldn't have told me that that was all the money you had left." she said, with a small twitching of her lip. "It puts me in a very superior bargaining position. You aren't very used to the ways of the capitol, I can tell."

"This has been the weirdest day..." Cyan muttered from under his breath, taking another quick few steps forward and quickly overtaking her.

"Crossroads is a very expensive place to stay for someone who doesn't have a job and is basically broke." she said, staring into his eyes in a way that was deeply unsettling, like being analysed for a weak point to strike at. Cyan, who, having not seen her face properly yet, was reminded of a fox. The cunning, devilish, and hungry kind.

"Well, I don't have an alternative." said Cyan, resigning himself to his (admittedly bad) bargaining position, and deciding to tell the truth in hopes of having actually ran into a decent person. Not that that was very likely. "Crossroads is the cheapest inn around here."

"You do." she said, with a sly grin that made Cyan want to take several steps back and look for a knife. "My landlord has a spare place."

"What? Why would I want to-"

"It's much cheaper than Crossroads, she can give you a temporary job, and it's in good position in relation to the imperial academy, which is why you are here, right?" she said, her grin disappearing into a business-like expression. "Not to mention, you have no idea where Crossroads is, what it looks like, and I could just lead you to the flat I was talking about and charge you crossroads-level rent, and you probably won't be able to tell the difference."

Cyan sighed, knowing he was beaten. "Fine, how much is the rent per night?" he asked, looking at his wallet. In it was a paltry one-thousand... capitol currency - he still hadn't learnt the name of the money they used - which would hardly be enough to rent any place for a night.

"Ranging from a thousand, to zero, depending on who you room with, who's side you're on, whether you're a talented individual or not, whether you can cook, whether you can fight, whether you have a scholarship to the academy, whether you can stand numerous sleepless nights, and whether you get a job and keep it for more than an hour." she said, ticking them off on her fingers as she went. "Oh, and whether you can stand crazy people sharing the flat with you. It's a little cramped in there."

Cyan blinked and rubbed his eyes, then shook his head. "Wait... did you seriously say 'whether you can fight'?"

"Yes, I did." she said, with a perfectly straight face. "It's the only place in town where you can get such cheap rent, and you look like you need it."

"Um... and what do you mean 'who's side you're on?'" said Cyan, still not wanting to commit himself. Although, he did admit that it was beginning to sound a lot more tempting than the alternative - a night out on the streets with mosquitos buzzing around his head, with menacing robbers roaming around. "And can you at least tell me your name?"

"That's a little hard to explain." she said, sighing and scratching her hair. "Just come on, I'll show you."

With that, she grabbed his arm and dragged him through the streets and alleyways, and, despite his protests, insisted on showing him the place where he was probably to spend the next few days, if not weeks, in.

"Just tell me your name!" Cyan yelled over the noise of the crowds milling around in the streets of the capitol.

"Chelsea. Now shut up, you're attracting too much attention." she said, pushing through some extremely drunk men.

"Why are you so insistent on showing me the place?"

"Long story. I'll tell you when we get there."

"How much longer?"

"Shut up, you sound like a five year old kid."  
"How-"

"Stop asking questions."

"But-"

"No."

Something in her eyes and voice made Cyan think she was toying with him.

 _A/N Well, that's it, I guess... Chelsea might seem a little unlike Chelsea, but... well... I tried. Any feedback appreciated, as usual... please review... see you next time._


	3. A Violent Introduction

**Chapter 3: A Violent Introduction to a Broken-Down Flat.**

 _A/N I am EXTREMELY sorry for not updating for... well... like... a long time, due to unforseen circumstances. But anyways, here's another chapter._

They arrived at the place where he was probably to spend the night in ten minutes later. It wasn't a grand place, not even close. It was the type of place that had paint peeling off the walls, broken windows, fans that started and stopped abruptly and without warning, and lights that flickered on and off of their own accord.

"Er... how many people... live... in this place?" asked Cyan, who was still catching his breath from a long trip alternating between being dragged by the arm and occasionally the ear, and trying desperately to catch up to his guide through milling crowds.

"Let me see..." she murmured, ticking them off on her fingers. "One... two... three... ten... fifteen... sixteen, I think. That's if you don't count the dog."

"What?" asked Cyan again, blinking. "That flat looks like it can fit no more than five people."

"It's surprisingly large inside." she said, mischievously. Something about her voice made Cyan think she was hiding something. "We outnumber them by three."

"What?"

"It's a very... amusing place to stay."

"What?"  
"You'll have worlds of fun."

"What?"

"Do you enjoy food fights?"

"What?"

"Never mind, just go in already." she said, grabbing him by the arm (again) and forcibly throwing him through the open door into the living room. "And be careful."

"Be careful?" Cyan asked, definitely not liking where this conversation was going. "Be careful about what?"

"Behind you!"

"GAH!" he yelped, jumping into the air and doing a one-hundred-eighty degree turn in a rare show of agility for someone who usually stays at home in front of a clipboard and a book. "Who's-"

"Trespasser. Eliminate." said the girl with ridiculously long black hair and red eyes that looked like those of a vampire. She was holding something in her hand that glinted in the sunlight. Without even staying to see what it was, Cyan turned and high-tailed it out of the apartment flat, all pretences of keeping his dignity intact gone.

Chelsea watched him dash out of the apartment flat as if a ravenous danger beast was chasing him, and drew her own conclusions about his plight. Meanwhile, the country boy in question had caught his breath and was pressed against the wall, staring at the doorway.

"Eliminate." the girl said again, and threw an egg at him.

Cyan yelped and jumped to one side, only to be met with two more. One slammed into his glasses, knocking them off his head, and the other into his stomach, which hurt a lot more than he expected. He keeled over and began to grope for his glasses, his (already poor) vision hampered further by the egg yolk dripping down over his forehead.

Sensing weakness, the girl immediately began a vicious attack. Cyan was battered by a barrage of edible goods that would have made god himself envious (well, maybe not.) - some baking powder, a bag of flour, two bags of sugar, a bucket of what looked like pancake mix, some vinegar, a half-eaten hamburger, three more eggs, some yoghurt, and, last but not least, a prolonged battering using a surprisingly large drumstick.

Cyan promptly fell to the floor, out cold for the second time in a day.

He awoke some half an hour later. He was inside a small room, in a bed, with a new set of clothes, no trace of baking products on him, and utterly confused as to where in the name of heaven he was. He sat up, not without a moan, and put his glasses on. The room immediately swam into focus.

The girl that had lead him to this god forsaken place was sitting on a sofa towards the other end of the room, folding a paper airplane, not feeling a bit of guilt for indirectly subjecting him to this ruthless beating.

"You could have helped me, you know." Cyan grumbled, rubbing his head where the hamburger had hit him. The girl looked up, with a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"You didn't ask." she said, nonchalantly, as if watching an acquaintance being subjected to a brutal attack using kitchen goods was perfectly normal for her.

"You could have at least warned me." Cyan pressed on, thoroughly enraged.

"Couldn't have."

"Why?"

"I wasn't expecting it either."

"Liar." Cyan said, pointing an accusing finger at her. "You totally knew that was going to happen."

"Did not."

"Did too."

Cyan threw a pillow at her. Chelsea ducked under it, and threw it back. What ensued would be the most painful pillow fight Cyan had ever been involved in.

The room had a total of five pillows in it - two on the bed, two on the couch, and one on the swivel chair. The two sides began amassing their strength: Cyan had immediately laid claim to the two pillows on the bed, and dove for the one on the chair. Chelsea had immediately lunged forward and grabbed both bed pillows before Cyan could stop her, having already pushed off the bed and towards the chair. So far - Cyan: 1, Chelsea: 2.

Cyan, not wanting to be beaten, made a rush for the couch, while Chelsea did too, turning the deciding factor in the arms race to a dash for the two remaining weapons - both of which were situated in one place of immense strategic value - the couch. Whoever gets there first will not only have a advantage in the amount of available armaments, but also a height advantage where he - or she - could rain devastation onto the rest of the room.

"Race you!"

"Game on!"

The two both made a spectacular dive for the couch. Cyan landed short, and got a face-full of carpet dust and dandruff. Chelsea missed too, though admittedly she got a little closer. Cyan: 1, Chelsea: 2.

Chelsea got up and lunged for the couch, but Cyan reached out and grabbed her ankle, pulling her back down. The two then began the first engagement in a prolonged battle that would last for (what seemed like) hours. Chelsea had on her one pillow, the other had been left on the bed in favour of a head start for the couch dash. Cyan, too, had his only pillow with him. They were evenly matched, weapons wise.

After a few quick clashes in which feathers inside the pillows started flying everywhere, like dandelion seeds being blown by a curious child, it became apparent that Cyan had gotten the upper hand. Chelsea was being driven backwards by a flurry of feathers and pillow swinging through the air like the grim reaper's scythe itself.

Of course, Cyan had forgot one important detail. Backwards was where she wanted to go - she had her back to the couch. But the boy realised that too late, and Chelsea gained the couch, along with the two pillows on it. Cyan: 1, Chelsea: 4. Won the arms race by a landslide.

"Damn." Cyan said, adjusting his grip on his one remaining pillow.

Chelsea responded by beginning her bombardment. Cyan quickly put distance between him and the couch, but Chelsea was a very accurate sharpshooter with these pillows (which, I might remind you, are surprisingly heavy when you try to throw them.), and made sure his retreat did not go unmolested. Those pillows pack a real punch when thrown right. Especially when the zips hit you.

Cyan dove behind the chair and used it for cover. Chelsea had stopped throwing and was restocking her pillow supply. Cyan couldn't risk diving for one of the cushions on the floor because Chelsea was watching him like a hawk, with a nice, large pillow on hand.

"Damn." he muttered again. He was in a very very bad position.

Chelsea had again regained the high ground, and was waiting for him to emerge from behind the chair. Cyan, in a (rare) moment of inspiration, decided to use the chair as a mobile shield to allow him to close the distance and engage in close-quarters, where Chelsea's numerical advantage in weapons would be of no consequence.

When he had moved close enough, he began the engagement. Chelsea had already turned to couch around, as to have a buffer against any attacks while she could attack from above. Cyan quickly got up on the chair, nullifying the height advantage. They scuffled, with Cyan eventually being able to clamber over the sofa top and slipping off the chair, pulling the sofa down and making Chelsea fall off. Mission accomplished, height advantage nullified, fighting on level ground, close quarters combat condition established.

Chelsea immediately sprang to her feet and slapped Cyan hard across the face with a pillow she picked off the ground, following up with a swipe at his arm and an overhead bash. Cyan, meanwhile, was vigorously trying to bash her head in with his pillow, which was met with moderate success.

After a prolonged engagement, Chelsea managed to land a blow to Cyan's face, knocking his glasses askew. Forced to fight blindly, Cyan quickly retreated, trying to reposition his glasses as he fended off Chelsea's attacks with his arm. Chelsea was surprisingly adept at landing blows with the zipper on the cushions, making them a lot more hurtful than just a normal attack. Cyan would swear she had somehow stuck metal plates into the pillows later.

"How do you manage that?" asked Cyan, rubbing his arm where large red marks had began to form.

"Experience.." Chelsea said, landing another blow to his arm.

"Experience, my ass." Cyan muttered, slamming a pillow into her face. "There's definitely more than that to it."

"What do you reckon it is?" she asked, tauntingly, as she sprang away from his follow up attack, throwing a lollipop-less lollipop stick into the trash.

"I think you're cheating." said Cyan, deciding that the blunt way was the best way as he tried unsuccessfully to crush Chelsea's skull with a pillow. "Even using the metal on the zipper couldn't possibly have hurt that much."

"And how might I be cheating?" she continued to taunt him as another metallic-feeling blow on his arm. Cyan was getting really annoyed now, but he could do absolutely nothing about it. Until he figured out how she was managing to make pillow attacks feel like a hammer was in them, he would have to just take the beating and move on.

"I think you've put mallets in the pillows." Cyan grumbled as he tried again to behead her with his cushion, which, of course, failed, like all of his previous attempts.

"Those would be too obvious." said Chelsea, slapping his glasses askew again.

"Rocks, then?"

"Those would be too heavy."

"Some sort of danger beast tendons?"

"Ew."

"Chicken bones?" asked Cyan, having already exhausted his imagination trying to think up plausible explanations to the power of the pillows. He was now spouting nonsense for the sake of it, and for keeping a conversation going, the only reason being that when they were engaged in conversation, the viciousness of the combat tended to go down.

"No... Akame would kill me if I touched her meat."

"Akame? Who's that?"

"The girl who assaulted you with kitchen goods a few hours ago."

"A few hours ago? How long was I out for?" asked Cyan, surprised. Apparently, he had been unconscious for a surprisingly long time. That drumstick was savage. He turned to look at he clock to see for himself how long his bout in unconscious-land-filled-with-pain had been. However, before he had time to actually look at the clock, he was almost sent back there by a savage blow to the back of his head.  
"I hate you." Cyan groaned, as he picked himself off the floor, rubbing the back of his head, where, unbeknownst to him, a large, red mark was forming. "That was a dirty trick."

"Nothing's dirty except your imagination." Chelsea said, juggling three pillows with her hands in a kind of showing-off way designed to irritate him.  
"What?!" Cyan asked, taking a rapid one-two-three steps back before taking another one for good measure. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean." she said, laughing at his reaction to her previous comment. Her twinkling eyes spoke volumes about how amusing that was for her.  
Cyan groaned again. This was becoming a very tedious experience for him. Sighing, he took a step forward and prepared to engage in combat, hoping to take his mind off that totally embarrassing reaction to her previous jab at his imagination. However, before either of the two sides could engage once again in combat, a loud, male voice called from downstairs.

"Dinner is ready! Chelsea, bring your fiancé! We're having meat tonight, again, you lot are carnivorous, and..." the voice rambled on, groaning and complaining about the choice of food.

Silence.

"Wait... what did he call me?" asked Cyan, blinking, rubbing his eyes, and twisting his earphones around his finger.

Chelsea ignored his question and kicked him down the stairs.

 _A/N Well... same old thing I always say... hope you liked it... please review... yada yada yada..._


	4. A Savage Food Fight

**Chapter Four: A Savage Food Fight in a Crowded Living Room.**

Cyan picked himself off the floor, groaning, rubbing his head, and wiping the sauce off his hoodie, which, again, was covered with something edible. And sticky. And gross.

"Damn." he muttered, grimacing. "So much for staying clean and not having a shower again."

After regaining his balance and re-adjusting his glasses, he looked around the room he had abruptly crash landed in.

It wasn't much, just a long table and five people sitting around it. The door was at the far side, and the windows were open, a comfortable breeze wafting in. However, whatever comfort that breeze brought was offset by the fact that he was covered with some sort of sticky sauce, and apple juice. At least he liked apple juice.

Chelsea's kick was surprisingly powerful. Cyan had flipped through the air (not of his own accord) and landed, bum-first, into a large pile of who-knows-what-type-of-meat-that-is, which was covered with barbecue sauce. The plate he was sitting on had skidded off the table, bring him with it, and ended up on the floor, with the meat scattered everywhere and still miraculously intact underneath him. Cyan wasn't exactly light as a feather, though he wouldn't be considered fat, either. More like "heavier than he looks".

Before Cyan could say anything, he was picked up by the scruff of his neck and given a vigorous dusting and wiping with a tablecloth. He had desperately tried to escape, but could not break free of his mysterious assailant's grip. After the initial panic had subsided, he realised he wasn't actually being harmed, and simply given a thorough cleansing, and stopped struggling.

He was released a few seconds later, sparkling clean, like he had just taken a shower and put on new clothes seconds ago. He quickly turned around to thank his... er... um... he didn't know exactly what to call the person that had just cleaned him. "Cleaner" just didn't sound like the right word. However, he turned around anyway, and his thanks stopped at the tip of his tongue.

He was facing a man, with blue hair, and two goat horns sticking out the sides of his head. The man was wearing clean white robes with some red embroidery, and had a red disk seemingly attached to his chest through unknown means. He was also holding a large metal pole with a metal cylinder in his right hand. The cylinder had blades sticking out of it at odd angles. Some of them had rust on them. Or was it blood?

Cyan didn't know why he screamed, though it probably had something to do with the weapon and the goat horns. Especially the weapon. Seriously, what _was_ that thing?

After picking up the shredded pieces of his dignity that were scattered all over the floor, Cyan uttered a muffled greeting and quickly sat himself down next to a guy with green hair and goggles, and an empty seat on the other side. He was already praying that Chelsea would be the one to fill that seat, not because he found her likeable (quite the opposite), but because compared to the two other inhabitants of the flat he had met, she was an absolute angel.

Before he could gather his wits again, the guy with green hair slapped him on the back and gave him a thumbs up.

"That was some pretty awesome acrobatics down there." he said, with a laugh. "I've never been able to do anything like that in my life, not counting that time I was kicked down the stairs by a member of the female gender after someone cracked a bad joke."

"That's what happened to me, too."

"Oh. Sorry about that. I didn't know that she would be offended, and-"

"I don't know about her, but that's going a step overboard. Heck, we just met an hour ago and then she dragged me to this god-forsaken place." Cyan said, already feeling a strange tingling in his palm, which was itching to slap the green haired guy. Thankfully, he was interrupted before he could actually carry out that action by a short, pink haired girl coming down the stairs.

"Who is this country hick?" she asked, taking a seat as far away from him as possible. "Ew, he smells of dirt. And barbecue sauce."

"I'd appreciate it if you would stop mocking my country origins and do something about the fact that your skirt is ripped, and we can see where we shouldn't be able to." said Cyan, with a completely straight face and without any trace of emotion. Although he might not look it, he was very good at lying. The girl immediately jumped up and began to frantically examine her dress, but found nothing wrong with it. She only stopped when she realised that the guy with green hair, another guy in a navy uniform with a sack of fish on his back, and Cyan himself were rolling around on the floor laughing so hard that they couldn't breath.

She went a deep shade of red and sat back down, smoke almost literally coming out of her ears. By then, Cyan and the guy in the navy uniform had climbed back onto their chairs (not without some difficulty), though the green haired guy was still on the floor, catching his breath.

Before anyone could calm down, Chelsea landed on the table exactly where the plate containing the meat had been after an elegant flip through the air from the top of the stairs. She slapped Cyan on the back. Hard.

"Ouch." Cyan said, wincing.

"Good job there. Didn't expect you to learn so fast." she said, with a sort of mischievous grin that made Cyan want to ditch the table there and then and go hide in an actual ditch somewhere far, far, far away, before things got ugly.

By now, the guy with green hair had climbed back onto his seat. "Hey... that was... absolutely... brilliant!" he laughed, slapping Cyan on the back again.

"Ouch." Cyan said again, though with noticeably less wincing.

"Man, I cant believe it! Besides Chelsea, you're the only one to have one-upped Mine on your first day!"

"Your what?" asked Cyan, completely confused. The green haired guy laughed even harder, which made the pink haired girl go even more red (steam _actually_ started coming out from her ears), and Cyan even more confused than he was before. Which is saying something.

"No, no, no!" he laughed, clutching his stomach. "Mine, my friend, is that girl over there! Pink hair, short, bad clothing taste... boy, I love new guys!"

Cyan felt that tingling sensation in his palm again. Oh, how he wanted to slap that obnoxious brat.

"And you and Chelsea, so similar! he continued, laughing even harder. "You two are perfect together!"

Before he got any further, a storm of noise and movement had erupted in the room. The guy in the navy uniform, as well as the goat-horns guy, had swiftly dove to the side of the room, followed by the vampire girl that had assaulted Cyan earlier, and another girl that was basically a carbon copy of her. It was obvious they wanted to escape the carnage that would soon follow.

Cyan and Chelsea had both jumped up from their seats and given the guy with green hair a slap on each cheek, sending him toppling over and onto Mine (she was on her way to the kitchen, presumably for something to drink), who had promptly kicked him away, sending him crashing into the wall and into the four people huddled there. Mine barely had time for a muffled "oops" before the girl from earlier ( _What was her name... Aza... Ara... Ata... Akame! Right, it was Akame!_ ) threw an egg ( _Where did she get that?_ ) that managed to somehow wedge itself perfectly into Mine's mouth, forcing her to make a surprisingly embarrassing choking noise to get it out. Mine had then reached towards the table and grabbed the closest weapon available to her - some cabbage - and threw it at the girl, who had already picked up the guy in the navy uniform and was using him as a human shield. A very loudly protesting human shield.

The room soon became the battleground for a large scale food fight that Cyan was soon to learn to be almost a weekly tradition. Of course, he had no way of knowing that at the time.

The boy in navy clothes had tore himself out of Akame's grip and had grabbed a salmon from his bag (a full, slimy, fresh one, as Cyan could tell from the smell), and slapped her across the face with it, leaving a sort of sticky residue. Before Akame could retaliate, Mine had seen her opportunity and threw a piece of ham at Akame, who managed to catch it in her mouth despite having been desperately wiping the slime from her eyes a moment ago. Akame's clone had tackled the boy with green hair, and they were rolling on the floor viciously beating each other with a drumstick and a pineapple (without the spiky outer shell, only the juicy yellow part inside. Cyan wondered how they managed to get a pineapple like that).

Chelsea, not wanting to be left out, had thrown a plastic jug of apple juice at the man with the goat horns. He had deflected it so it smashed into a wall and bounced harmlessly to the ground (apple juice spilt everywhere), before grabbing the pineapple from the green haired boy (who was already pinned to the wall trying desperately to protect certain sensitive parts of the body), and threw it back at her. Chelsea caught it and gave Cyan a face-full of pineapple-ish gooey stuff in one fluid movement. Apparently, the drumstick had administered quite a thorough beating, and the pineapple was now more sludge than pineapple.

"Hey! What did I do?" asked Cyan indignantly, shaking the sludge of his face. It flew everywhere, giving the boy in the navy uniform quite a bit in multiple places.

"You didn't join in." She said, laughing as she chucked another pineapple at him. Cyan caught it, bit a chunk off (he liked pineapples), and threw it back. Chelsea, however, had already disappeared from sight, and the pineapple hit Akame's clone instead, who looked up from beating the green haired guy senseless, and shot Cyan a look a pure malice. Cyan yelped in a very unmanly way and took a dive for the relative safety of underneath the table. Just in time, too - the instant he disappeared underneath the tablecloth, a splatter of grapes and god-knows-what-that-slimy-sounding-thing-was slammed into the table where he had been standing moments before.

"I hate you, Chelsea." he muttered. "You totally planned for that to happen."

He was answered by a pie to the back of his head. He turned around just in time to see a puff of smoke, and a cat scurried away from under the table, with what looked like a lollipop in it's mouth. Blinking, Cyan got up, forgot that there was a table above him, hit his head, then managed - not without some difficulty - to get out from under the table, only to have another pineapple slam into his face. Thoroughly enraged now, he grabbed what he could from the table and began to throw them at anyone who got close enough. Using this strategy, he managed to get a ham in Mine's face, an egg in the green haired guy's stomach, and actually knock the lollipop out of Chelsea's mouth with a well aimed apple core.

After he had calmed down (with some help of a bucket of ice water, courtesy of Akame), he took a look around the room. It was in tatters, almost literally. The fighting had apparently gotten very vicious during his short trip under the table, and already there had been casualties. The green haired guy's hair was already covered with all sorts of gross stuff, and he was quite obviously knocked out cold. Cyan felt that it was probably his egg that was the final straw, and felt a twinge of guilt, though it didn't last long and soon morphed into a desire to hit the guy with another egg, the slimeball.

Mine was nowhere to be seen, though there was some evidence that she had escaped out the window, like a small piece of pink fabric on the windowsill, probably ripped off by one of the surprisingly sharp branches. The guy with the navy uniform was also out of contention - he wasn't out cold, though he was awfully close. By the looks of it, someone had tried to suffocate him in a bowl of porridge, and had gotten pretty close to succeeding. There was gooey stuff all over his face, and he was coughing up porridge.

The girl named Akame was still standing, and seemed unharmed, as well as her clone, who was pretty much unharmed as well, apart for some cookie crumbs, though those might have just been snacks from earlier. The goat horns man was also unharmed, though he was looking very irritated. And Chelsea... wait, where was she?

However, before Cyan could find out, they were interrupted by someone stepping through the door. It creaked very loudly, like the sound that is heard someone fat had just sat on a very old chair.

"Chelsea, put that down. If that scatters inside here, even Susanoo can't clean that up."

Cyan whirled around and found Chelsea with two massive bags of flour - or whatever that white dusty thing in there was - slung over her shoulder, poised to strike. He instantly took a step back, slid on some egg yolk, and did a magnificent somersault through the air before slamming into the person who had just walked through the door. The part that impacted his body felt strangely metallic.

Cyan got up from the ground, turned around, and examined the person he had crashed into. He - no, wait, it was a woman - She had a kind of silver hair, was wearing a black suit with a black kind-of-half-cape, half-overcoat thing, and one large green metallic arm was where her right arm was supposed to be. She was smoking, and had an eyepatch. Cyan quickly stepped backwards. She looked intimidating.

"Oh, good evening, boss!" said Chelsea, dropping the sacks onto the guy in the navy uniform, who uttered a muffled grunt that did not sound friendly, using her free hand to give the woman a wave. "You're home early today!"

"Good Evening, Master. I have prepared your dinner. It is currently in the kitchen, as a necessary measure of protection against... certain events that happen at around this time." said the goat horns man, eyeing the people strewn out all over the floor with a sort of malicious glint in his eyes.

"Thank you, Susanoo. You are now dismissed. Please go and rest, or clean up if you wish." said the woman, throwing her cigarette into the bin on the other side of the room with surprising accuracy, before turning to Cyan. "And you must be the new guy. Welcome to my flat."  
Cyan, already growing sick of these encounters with crazy people, had grudgingly said a muffled greeting before getting straight to the point.

"Where can I sleep? What's the rent?" he said, yawns already creeping into his speech. He was fatigued, as any normal person would be, after the day he had.

The woman, seemingly realising this, didn't question further and began flipping through a notebook.

"Let's see... I'll let you sleep in here free tonight." she said, after a period of hesitation. "However, you'll have to room with Chelsea, or sleep right here on the floor or cushions with Lubbock. We don't have a lot of space, you see."

Cyan gagged, making a strange choking noise.

"Who's this Lubbock?" he asked. But he really needn't have - there was no way in heaven he was rooming with someone of the opposite gender, and _especially_ not Chelsea. _Definitely_ not Chelsea. So no matter who this Lubbock was, he was a much better alternative to rooming with Chelsea.

The woman pointed to the guy with green hair, who was still on the floor with some gross stuff on his face. Seeing Cyan's expression (it _definitely_ wasn't a happy one), she hastily added : "Don't worry, he's not so bad when he's asleep. He just snores a bit."

Cyan had already passed out, though it wasn't clear as to whether it was due to exhaustion, or the thought of sleeping in the same room (even if it was the living room) as the green-haired guy. (What was his name again? Bullock? Lobster?)

 _A/N Whew! This is looking like the longest chapter so far... Sorry if the cast introduced so far aren't strictly true to their anime personalities (I'm bad at that). I'm sorry if I took a while, but I was a little busy. Please excuse any grammatical mistakes I make, I do check for them, but I might miss a few in the slightly longer chapters. Please review, hope you liked it, etc etc._


End file.
